It has been a true struggle of mine trying to know what is right and what is wrong to teach you. I was at a cross roads in my own thoughts in how I was feeling about the church. I was so afraid I would ruin your special day for you. My thoughts and teachings to you are always true to the best of my knowledge...sometimes, I feel I know so little. You are so special to me. I want the best, I want the most, I want the everything for you.
It is the most intimidating thing to be a mother. I face this challenge and pray I lead you down a path of truth and that I never fail you. For this reason I worried about how I would feel on your baptism day. I wanted it to be your choice and not mine. And my sweet daughter...it was your choice. You wanted this. You loved your baptism day. After all my experiences on this day, I knew I was teaching you truth Lexi. I knew you were choosing what was right. Your example made me believe again. You are a true gift in my life. This day changed my life.
We had many late night talks about your baptism. We talked about what it meant to be baptized and that you alone could choose to be baptized. Only excitement filled your eyes when talking about it. You could not wait for your "special day".
Your "special day" arrived! The feeling in the home was so different that day. I must admit, I was a little surprised by the feeling I woke up to that morning. It was a feeling of peace and warmth. It was July and the day was sunny and bright. You woke me up and said, "It's my baptism day!" Your smile just melted my heart. You seemed so at peace yet beyond excited for the day's events to start. I smiled right back. You jumped into bed with dad and I and we both cuddled you. Dad and I looked at each other exchanging a look that we both knew. "AWE!"
We finally got up and started the day. Busy, busy, busy. Cooking up a storm for all the family that were to come and fixing Lexi's hair for her special day. You looked amazingly gorgeous.
Your Dad and you practiced a few times on how he would baptize you so you knew what to do. It was so cute to see you two laugh and look into each others eyes. You are Daddy's little girl:)
It was time...
You were the only one with a baptism that day so we had the entire church to ourselves. Aunt Heather, (trevor's wife), gave the opening prayer and Grandpa Michaelis gave a talk. He talked and told you about how your dad was going to baptize you. He had you come up and pretend like you were in the baptismal font and he was baptizing you. He comforted you and made you feel more at ease about how you were going to be baptized. You loved hearing him talk. Aunt Jenna sang "His Hands".
You asked me to speak. I thought I would die. But for you Lexi, I would do anything. So I spoke.
When I spoke I gave you a very soft and very white blanket. It was to remind you of the Holy Ghost. I wanted you to remember that voice that whispers to you when you are doing something wrong, or when you might be in danger. Remember how soft it is. Remember how gentle it is. Remember that it needs to be kept clean. If you don't listen to it...the whisper will get softer. Be kind to it. Be gentle to it. Make sure you keep yourself soft and kind like this blanket. Make sure you are pure and clean like this blanket. If you do you will be able to always hear the soft whisperings of the holy ghost and have him with you always.
When I was done speaking I had you come up and you took the soft blanket. I told you the blanket was now yours. I told it was now your job to keep it clean. I told you when you sleep, this blanket can be the soft reminder of heavenly father's love for you. This blanket can also be a reminder of the soft whispering of the spirit and the warnings you may need throughout your life. I told you that I loved you. I think you are amazing in every possible way. I am proud of you no matter what you do. I am so grateful to be your mother.
After that, It was time for your father to baptize you. Just you and I went back to the dressing room where we got you in your baptism clothes. I was filled with so much hope, love, adoration, peace, and pure gratefulness that your were my daughter. I mean, WOW LEXI!!! You are just one amazing girl. I just wanted to hold you there and never let you go. I thought my heart would burst with all the love I held inside for you at that very moment. (and every moment) But, I had to let you go:) I had to let go to your father...
Your father outstretched his hand and you yours, he took your hand and he baptized you. I cried. I was so surprised at my emotions. Daddy was a little teary too! Your smile was so bright and beautiful. You came out of the font and squealed, "I'm baptized!!!" I laughed. Yes you were.
Aunt Jenna did your hair and all the family came over to the house to celebrate! So much love for you Lexi! SO MUCH LOVE! This day was so memorable for me. I know it was for you too. I have been asking you to write it down and you have but we moved and lost so many things. I thought it was a good idea we write some special moments in our life down. This is one of my special moments in life. You are a special moment in my life.
I love you so much. You are my favorite daughter!!! Hahahahaha! I love you baby girl. You are smart. You are fun. You are down right gorgeous! I will always be there for you no matter what. Thank you for making every dream of mine come true by just being in my life. Love, Mommy
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